It has been a long time coming. Emotions finally erupting to the surface. The end of my first round of chemotherapy. Shaving my head. Buying a wig. Glancing at a scar. A growing belly. Little girl kicks. A miracle inside me. Living life with cancer while waiting in great expectation for the birth of our little girl. We have about 7 weeks before we joyfully meet Eleanora Hope! We have a name…Eleanora means bright or radiant one….this is our prayer for her. That she will know Jesus and be so consumed with His love that she is radiant and filled with Hope. We plan on calling her El and her two big sister can’t wait to meet her. Rem is excited to play ball with her.

This time of waiting is both wonderful and difficult. I am so thankful for time before El comes to rest and recover from chemo but it is also very challenging for me. The last few months have seemed to go so fast; from the diagnosis of breast cancer, to surgery, to chemo…..God has given me such grace for each hurdle. But now, waiting, the realities of this journey have been sometimes overwhelming. I have been very angry, very sad, full of tears, and often just numb.

Comfort and hope have come from so many places. Flowers left on our doorstep. A text, a call, a note in the mail. Reminders of God’s great love for us. Singing songs with the girls. Reading “Good Night Moon” again and again to Rem. Visits from friends both near and far. Pictures of girlfriends in their “Run for Rebekah” shirts at the end of their 5k race. Snuggling with Derek as he rubs my mostly hairless head knowing I am loved so very deeply by him. Listening to “A Thousand Things” by Christa Wells and taking to heart the words she sings. God is doing a thousand things and I am trusting Him to draw me closer. Hold me tighter. Give me the grace I need for each moment. I am grateful for this time to getting ready for El’s arrival and to continue to lean on Jesus as I work through my many different emotions. Thankful for the continued prayers!